Wednesday, March 28, 2007

words of hope and joy

God is as close as the person shivering next to us.
So why does he seem so distant?

Under the cold and distant stars we tell ourselves the lie that we are not alone, that there is someone with whom we can share this sad and lonely misery that we call life. We comfort ourselves with the delusion that there is a God who is watching, that he cares, that he knows our pain, bears our sorrows, and hears the cries we make in the dark when no one is around to listen. We feed ourselves and our children this Cinderella bullshit that a fairy godmother will lead us to true love, but we know better when we allow ourselves to. We tell ourselves these lies, and they give us the pretense of comfort, of meaning, and of hope, but deep in our hearts we know the truth that weighs heavily on us from the cradle to the grave.

And that truth is this: We are alone. Alone we suffer the cruel attentions of our peers in childhood, enduring their barbed taunts with each day as their words exact their bloody pound of flesh from our self-worth, our self-respect, and our sense of identity. Alone we suffer the ignominy of adolescence and adulthood as we are thrust, ill-prepared and unsuspecting into a pool of sharks that will tear us in a frenzy once they first scent blood.

And alone we suffer the bitter fruits of maturity, as those we discover the lies that our leaders and our parents have fed us over the years, as we learn the deceitfulness of heroism and honor, as we see the might of law corrupted by small men and women with dreams no bigger than their own conceit and interests that extend no further than their own hands, and as we find that there is no love in marriage, no hope in friendship, and nothing to look forward to each day except another day of going through the motions, being crushed by disappointment and disillusion, and watching the steel bars of our cages slowly descend and take shape around us.

We are alone, and all we have to look forward to is that one day, the misery we have seen under the sun will end for us in the kind and final mercy of death.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

God damn this post rocks.

People do in fact fucking suck. They suck fucking donkey sack, and that's being WAY too diplomatic about it.

I've felt this way for two years, man. I don't know you for shit, but you have just fucking described my "life" as if you've been in my body and gone through the same God damn shit I have.

I'm learning not to call it "life" because it's better described as "existence". And there are long seasons where even calling it that is being too kind.

I know what the scum on the bottom of the septic tank of hell looks like. it's where I've existed for nearly two God damn straight years now.

And to be so narcissistic as to think I am the only one. Fuck me raw.

This shit that "they" call life is so fucking overrated, and "they" just go along with their dainty little fucking lah-tee-dah attitudes, and hollow fucking "when life deals you lemons" bull fucking shit cliches. Fuck them. All of 'em. In the ass with no God damn Vaseline. They don't care for shit.

And where does that leave us? Seriously, dude. Where?

I don't know you for shit, you don't know me for fucking shit, so let's have a fucking God damn conversation about this shit.