Sunday, July 26, 1992

the wesley problem

Ways to Cure the Wesley Problem

  1. While visiting a starbase on the planet of the Guardian of Forever, the crew of the Big E is horrified to find the rest of the universe change around them.  Due to his Star Fleet training and knowledge of history, Wesley is chosen for the special mission of going back in time as a Redshirt who beams down to a planet with Captain Kirk, and taking a bullet meant for him.
  2.   The Borg make Wesley their new speaker, and Captain Picard is forced to conclude that rescuing him from the Borg cube would unnecessarily endanger the Enterprise crew.  He is given a hero's funeral when the Borg ship goes to sleep again.
  3.   In engineering, the photon torpedoes are stuck and Wesley is forced to activate them manually--from inside the tubes.  The Enterprise is saved, and Picard remarks on the needs of the many "outweighing the needs of the few."
  4.   Another of Wesley's science experiments develops into a lifeform on an episode called "Frankenstein."  In a chilling scene, his science projects says, "You are my creator, but I am your master--obey!" After his science project kills his girlfriend, Wesley chases it all the way to Pluto where they both crashland and freeze to death.
  5.   As part of a fraternity prank at Star Fleet Academy, someone sticks a phaser--set on overload--under Wesley's pillow one night.
  6.   Wesley is transferred to Deep Space Nine and is killed when thousands of rioting Star Trek fans rampage through the set in the final episode.

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