support network

During the nine months my wife and I had our foster son, we got little in the way of support from our extended families. I don't doubt that they cared, but for the most part, our respective families weren't emotionally invested in Isaac and what happened with him.

His birthday came and went, and the only presents he got from our families were some leftover toys my mother had.

By way of contrast, the couple who had Isaac's younger sister had remarkable support from both sets of parents and other immediate family members. Her first birthday was as big a deal for them as it was for her foster parents. I would be surprised to hear that they treat their biological grandchildren any differently.

A few factors play into this, I'm sure. Isaac was already 2 years old and not very adorable because of his problems. His sister was only 6 months old and recovered from the neglect much more quickly once she was in a caring home. And there was also distance -- my family lives hundreds of miles from us and rarely saw Isaac. His sister's foster grandparents live in the same town as her foster parents, and they saw her regularly.

I don't want to be bitter, but it's hard not to. Often foster parents are dealing with children with severe emotional and developmental problems; it's that much worse when we have to deal with it alone.