off to siberia

When I rule the world, I shall begin exiling undesirable populations to Siberia, there to pass out the remainder of their natural lives without offending me with their presence further. I was giving this some thought, and here are some of the people I would exile:

• Everyone responsible for the XFL or its predecessor, the USFL
• Bill Gates
• Michael Eisner
• People who like Cheez Whiz
• People who think plastic flamingos make nice lawn ornaments
• N'Sync
• Britney Spears
• The contemporary Christian recording industry (a few individual artists, like Mike Card, will be granted immunity owing to their talent, integrity and legitimacy, but I expect most artists and recording executives will be enjoying the snow for a long time)
• Advertising writers who create commercials that don't say a thing about what they're trying to sell you
• New Jersey

Journalists will be among the best-respected professionals during my regime. Lazy journalists and those who don't bother actually to research something before they write, or who aren't willing to consider multiple sides to the same issue, will not be exiled to Siberia. They will get to be the vanguard of the new space program and will help to launch the colonization of space.