thyroid returns

The good news: My thyroglobulin levels are down. Way down. They're down so low, that if I weren't taking thyroid medication, I'd be dead right now.

Why is this good news? Because thyroids produce thyroglobulin, and if your thyroid has been removed, thrown out and incinerated, and then what's left is destroyed by radiation, and what's left after that is given over to a plague of locusts, you'd better not have substantial levels of thyroglobulin in your bloodstream, because if you do, that means you still have cancer cells.

And as I pointed out to Evangline, there also were no measurable amounts of Green Globulin or Hobglobulin in my blood. This is good, since I failed to develop the proportional strength, speed and agility of iodine after being bitten by a radioactive iodine this May. The jury is still out on whether I have "iodine sense," as several people have pointed out that I do seem to have the sense of iodine these days.

I'm supposed to return on Jan. 2 for another visit with the endocrinologist, who is counting on me to pay off her remaining loans for med school. The big excitement at that point will be an injection of Thyrogen, a synthetic form of the thyroid stimulation hormone that the pituitary gland produces.

I am unable to think of a decent wisecrack about Thyrogen, despite the way its name reminds me of estrogen. If you can think of one, let me know and I'll use it next time, with appropriate credit.

If for some reason Thyrogen unexpectdly stimulates any measurable thyroid activity, and my thyroglobulin levels jump afterward, I'll get a repeat experience of what happened last time. That mans another round of being unable to keep warm, having a harder time staying awake during the day, and getting phone calls from nonexistent people at six in the morning.

That is unlikely. So let's celebrate the good news in clear conscience. My thyroglobulin levels are down.