understanding who jesus was

What sort of person was Jesus?

You could make the case that he was black:

• He called everyone "brother."
• He liked gospel.
• He couldn't get a fair trial.

The traditional answer is that he was Jewish. And you can make a case for that too. After all,

• He went into his father's business.
• He lived at home until he was 30.
• He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But he also might have been Italian.

• He talked with his hands.
• He had wine with every meal.
• He used olive oil.

And as every hippy will attest, Jesus would have been right at home on the West Coast. Could he be from California?

• He never cut his hair.
• He walked around barefoot all the time.
• He started a new religion.

Or was Jesus Irish?

• He never got married.
• He was always telling stories.
• He loved green pastures.

Or maybe Jesus was an alcoholic.

• He was always going to parties at people's houses.
• He was always filled with the Spirit.
• His first miracle was to turn water into wine.

Probably the most compelling evidence suggests that Jesus was, in fact, a woman.

• He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice, when there was no food.
• He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
• Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.