that empty feeling

La knabinoj are at school today.

 

For Evangeline, this is a return. She has finished third grade and embarked on a journey through fourth. She was a little nervous when we walked there this morning. It's a new grade, a new classroom, and a change from the summer, where she's been free of the artificial strictures of a school environment for two months.

 

For Rachel, it's a new world. She's visited the charter school many times, helping out as I volunteered in a class, and so she knows her teacher and many of her classmates as well. She was more excited than nervous, although one of the new classmates succeeded in making her feel nervous by invading her personal space almost as soon as she was through the door and asking her questions in a loud voice.

 

And me, I'm feeling a little discombobulated myself. I've been a stay-at-home dad for four years now. I taught each of my girls how to read, write and do basic math, and I've scheduled much of my life around them and their needs during that time, particularly this past summer. To the extent that one person can define another, their lives have defined mine for four years now, particularly Rachel for the last two.

 

And now they're somewhere else, and I'm left alone in the house to look for a job and work on my writing.

 

I'm going to be inconsolable when they go away to college.