Ordering pizza in tongues

I don't speak in tongues myself, but I can do a decent job pretending to when I need to.

Back in the 1990s, I was a regular in the children's ministry at Easton Assembly of God, We wrote, performed and produced some of the most ridiculous material ever presented in Sunday school or a children's church service. We're talking original puppet shows with handmade puppets; live-action Bible stories where King David fell to the ground, frothing at the mouth and pretending to be insane; other Bible stories where Lazarus came forth; worship songs with outrageous hand movements, a Bible-quoting superhero and his archnemesis, and on and on.

(As campy as we got, we never reached the level of Duncan the Donut Man, or Psalty the Singing Psalter. We did have standards.)

It all started when we were handed an eight-week stash of puppet skits that taught core Christian doctrines like sin, repentance and forgiveness; the importance of prayer; and even the Second Coming. Because this was an Assemblies of God church, one week the lesson was on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit.

This is a teaching, widely accepted among charismatic and Pentecostal Christians but hotly disputed by John MacArthur, that at some point the individual believer may have an intense experience with the Holy Spirit that leads to the ecstatic utterance in other tongues.

In this particular puppet skit, I was providing the voice for the puppet Robby, who was supposed to get the baptism of the Holy Spirit and start speaking in tongues. The script actually continued scripted nonsense on the level of "Untie my bowtie who stole my Honda," which we all found distasteful, I'd returned from the missions field in Haiti several months earlier, so it was agreed that when Robby began speaking in tongues, I would simply speak in Kreyol.

So, while 30 children watched, Robby prayed to receive the baptism of the Spirit and began rather excitedly to say, "Bonswa. Sa se Robby Callenberg; mwen rete bo 12 Rue Pelerin. Mwen komande un laj pitsa avek pepewoni e fwomaj anpil." ("Good evening, this is Robby Callenberg of 12 Pelerin Road. I would like to order a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.")

Todd Seymor, the assistant pastor, was kneeling behind the puppet stage with me. He didn't speak a word of Kreyol, but I guess "large pepperoni pizza" sounds the same in almost any language, Todd smacked me on the shoulder and tried desperately to contain his laughter.

I never did get the nerve to do that during a worship service. Maybe sometime if I don't mind blaspheming the Holy Spirit and going straight to hell ...


Copyright © 2020 by David Learn. Used with permission.


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