'antwone fischer'

Some months ago, a co-worker lent me his copy of "Antwone Fischer." It's based on the true story of a Navy seaman who joined the Navy in part to escape the rather abusive foster home he grew up in. As the movie works its way toward a conclusion, Fischer's psychiatrist convinces him that if he's ever going to overcome his demons, he has to go home -- not to his foster parents, but to the birth family he never knew but has always dreamed about.

Not surprisingly, I cried during that segment of the movie as well, as he searches for his family and then finds his mother and tells her about the sort of man he's grown up to be and how he used to always dream about the day she would come and rescue him from his foster family.

I cried, but I was able to sit through the entire movie, for one simple reason. In my mind, I'm not the abusive foster parent Isaac is trying to escape, but the loving parent he wants to track down in order to be complete.

Not surprisingly, I have a few drafts of stories that deal with this. I have one where Orpheus descends into hell to rescue not his wife but his child; in another story, it's a grown man searching for the shadow who remains just out of reach, just beyond the edges of his perception.

My hope is that one day I'll answer the door and Isaac will be on the other side, looking for the source of his bizarre idea of what "daddy" looks like. (After all, his father's black. I'm not.)

Here or in heaven.