First, she began to go numb

Six years ago, Beth Adamusik started to lose feeling in her left foot.

Over the next several days, the numbness spread. It swept up her entire left side, reached her head, and began an inexorable descent down her right side.

At the same time, Adamusik started to lose her peripheral vision. Darkness crept in from the sides, blotting out more and more of the world until she was blind in one eye and had suffered an 80 percent vision loss in the other.

This all, happened within three days.

A neurologist was able two weeks later to clear up the worst of Adamusik's symptoms with oral steroids, but her doctors were stumped by what had happened to her. In her late 30s and by nature an active, athletic and on-the-go person, the affliction had come without warning and left her devastated.

It was more than a year before she was diagnosed by a doctor as having multiple sclerosis.

Multiple sclerosis, or M.S., as it is commonly known, is an affliction that removes the protective fatty myelin sheath that surrounds the spinal column and brain. What causes the disease remains a mystery, but it leaves hardened tissue on the brain and along the spinal column and often can result in paralysis and a loss of muscle control.

Multiple sclerosis affects about 400,000 people nationally. It principally strikes people from 20 to 50, and is more than tree times as likely to attack women as it is men. Researchers also have noticed a higher rate of incidence in the Northern regions of the nation than in the South.

The disease follows one of two patterns, either putting its victims through alternating flare-ups and periods of remission, or gradually taking away more of their independence and mobility as it progresses. In neither case is the disease considered terminal.

* * *

Adamusik, 42, falls into the former category. Within the last year, doctors have been able to get her condition to stabilize. Today she is walking again, often without the benefit of a cane, although she has one she needs from time to time.

Make no mistake, though: She has not "recovered." Some numbness remains in her feet, her depth perception is unreliable and her endurance is not what it once was.

"I was a very lucky person. I got everything back, which most people don't," she said. "People in their mid- 30s are shut down. Some people get diagnosed with M.S, and they never get out of a wheelchair. They never get their eyesight back. That's just their first symptom, and — bam!"

The truth is, the disease has taken plenty from her. Adamusik no longer plays tennis, she is limited in how far she can drive, and she has to live with the knowledge that what mobility she has could vanish without warning.

"I'm always afraid when I turn the comer, that I'll return and go back to the way I was," she said. "My legs will not do it. My legs will not walk more than half a block.

"At times it restricts me around here. 1 had to hire a cleaning woman," she said. "I can't even push a vacuum. Last year I couldn't even cook dinner or cook meals."

In a casual conversation around the dinner table at her Armstrong Drive home or out in public, you might never notice that Adamusik has multiple sclerosis. She remains animated and vivacious, and when the subject does come up she is prone to laugh and make jokes about it.

"I have a superpositive attitude, but also every single day I take advantage of, because I don't know if it's going to be my last day," she said. "1 just have to be positive. I don't have time for this crap. I just don't. I'm way too busy."

* * *

Despite her upbeat approach to living with multiple sclerosis, getting to the point she's at now took time and the support of her family at friends.

At the onset of her illness, she said, Adamusik even told her husband, Gene, 38, that she would understand if he left her, and told her friends that she understood if they didn't, want continue their friendship.

Her offers fell on deaf ears.

"You find out that you have a lot of friends," she said. "I have friends who I really count on, who have really come to the forefront and taking my kids places."

Because she often is unable to take her children all the places she used to, Adamusik seizes upon the opportunities she does have since they come less frequently than they once did.

"M.S. is not just my disease. It's my family's," she said. "It has affected everyone in this house."

Just as celebrities like "Family Ties" actor Michael J. Fox have dedicated themselves to advocacy and research connected to diseases they suffer from — Fox has been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease — Adamusik has channeled her energy and enthusiasm into the fight against multiple sclerosis.

The chief agency she works with is the greater North Jersey chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, which this week will sponsor a 6.2- mile hike through Nomahegan Park on Springfield Avenue in Cranford.

Wearing T-shirts provided by Arena Sports Connexion on Raritan Road, her 31 -member team, including  two of her daughters, will walk the distance to raise money for the society. Her daughter Jenna has raised $410. Her oldest; daughter, Ashleigh Snow, 20, also .will walk, and her youngest daughter, Lauren, 7, is assisting her, mother at the finish line.

Such walks account for about 40 percent of the money raised annually for the North Jersey chapter.

In addition to the walk, Adamusik runs a 25-member support group for Union County victims of multiple sclerosis, called But You Look So Good, with Julia Adams of Roselle Park. The group is sponsored by the Multiple Sclerosis Society.

"It's a really very positive group. If someone has an issue, we'll listen and talk about it, and move on, but we're not going to dwell on it," said Adamusik.

* * *

The exact cause of multiple sclerosis still eludes medical science. No one is certain if it is caused by a virus or bacterium, or by possible environmental factors.

Adamusik's older sister, Carole Fishe of Georgia, also has multiple sclerosis, but statistically family members of the affliction's victims have only a minimally higher chance of developing the disease than those with no family history.

Even in cases where more than one family member suffers from it, the symptoms can vary widely, as they do between Fisher and Adamusik.

"She struggles with it daily, but she's out doing her own thing. She's not using a wheelchair or a cane," said Adamusik. "It affects every single person differently. That's the hardest thing about it."

But life goes on, and Adamusik refuses to let her affliction get her down. Her goal is to seize each moment as it comes and treasure every opportunity to do things with her family that she has.

"Every kids' softball that I can go to, every recital that I can attend,  every honors society induction that I can go to, I'll go to," she said. "I am not defined by M.S. M.S. does not have me."

Teens face drug charges following raid on party

Three Clark teens are free after a police raid at a party being held at the Knights of Columbus Saturday evening.

The men — identified as Daniel Tice, 18, of 86 Jupitor St.; Jonathan Azevedo, 18, of 4 Rolling Hill Way; and Dominick Malanga, 18, of 6 Whitley Terrace — are all students at Arthur L. Johnson High School.

Superintendent of Schools Paul Ortenzio would not say what disciplinary action the school district might take against the teens, and was evasive when pressed for details about the school district's policy in general.

"Basically there is a confidentiality to student records and discipline," explained Board of Education Attorney Michael Gross. "It's not a public matter, it's a private matter."

That confidentiality extends to the students even though they are 18, Gross said.

A student at Arthur L. Johnson High School who attended the party said the three teens were all at school Tuesday morning.

In addition to making the arrests, police seized 200 tablets of Ecstasy, fewer than 50 grams of marijuana, two kegs of beer and S464 in cash. The seized items are being held as evidence.

Tony Fiorillo, grand knight of the Clark Knights of Columbus, said the organization had nothing to do with the party. The Knights of Columbus has a policy of renting its Westfield Avenue hall out to other groups.

"It's a private party that had rented the hall for a college graduation," Fiorillo said Tuesday morning. "We had rented the hall for that. We didn't sell them no food, no liquor. I wouldn't even sell them no pizza."

Fiorillo said he also carded the party-goers and ejected three of them whom he believed to be too young for a party where alcohol would be served, despite their IDs.

The student, who spoke on the condition he not be identified, said the party was a birthday party for Anthony Pecorella, a senior at ALJ.

He also said that despite statements to the contrary, the Knights of Columbus made virtually no effort to prevent underage drinking at the party.

"The situation was that people who were obviously underage or with fake IDs were going in, and the owner of the club was sitting there, saying 'Do you have your ID?' They would say no, and he would say, 'Don't drink,'" the student said.

The student, who is younger than the legal drinking age, added that he drank alcohol while he was at the party and did not take any identification with him to the party. He left 15 minutes before the police arrived.

In a rare but candid insider's view of the high school culture, the student described an environment where drug and alcohol use, while not necessarily out of control, is i practiced more or less openly.

"With the upperclassmen in the high school it's existing, but it's much more controlled," he said. "It's with the underclassmen where the problem really lies. Because they've never been around it, they just jump in."

The student described himself as an occasional user of marijuana who began smoking it his freshman year.

"In Kumpf, you never heard of the stuff. I mean, obviously you've heard of it, but you've never seen it, except in a DARE officer's hands," he said. "But now you come into school and it's readily available to you. All you have to do is know somebody who knows somebody."

He added that he understands drug use to be on the rise among Clark middle-schoolers as well.

The arrests followed a monthlong narcotics investigation involving detective John Doherty, Lt. Kevin White, Sgt. Michael Pollock, Patrol Officer Steven Francisco and Patrol Officer Susan Ricci.

Tice was charged with underage possession of an alcoholic beverage and released on his own recognizance at police headquarters.

Azevedo was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia because of an alleged crack pipe police found him with. He also was released on his own recognizance.

Malanga was charged with possession of marijuana, possession of Ecstasy, manufacturing/distributing a controlled dangerous substance, and possession of a controlled dangerous substance with the intent to distribute it within 1,000 feet of a school zone.

The student said he is unaware of anyone using Ecstasy during the party while he was there.

"No one was really on it, but the one person who ended up getting arrested had to pick it up in order to sell it or drop it off to anyone who wants it," he said.

The student described obtaining marijuana or more potent drugs is easy for Clark teens to accomplish. He called school itself "definitely the last place" a student would sell drugs.

"Most of the dealing is done on the weekend," the student said. "It's at that time 'John Smith' would get into his car and drive around Clark."

More arrests may be coming, depending on further investigation into the identities of people attending the party, police said.

If that happens, parents might be in for a shock if they consider drug use to be a problem unique to underachievers and at-risk students.

"There's no longer a distinction where the kids that are failing are doing the drugs," said the student. "Many honor students are able to handle occasional use of drugs and alcohol and retain their academic status."

'the two towers' cliff-hanger

I suppose I can understand the reason for the reported move of Shelob from "The Two Towers" to "Return of the King," but I am a little disappointed. The last pages of "The Two Towers" the book is one of the all-time greatest literary cliff-hangers. The first time I read it, it was much like the same feeling I had when I heard this dialogue:

Riker: What do you mean he's with the Borg?
Worf: He is a Borg!
Picard: I am Locutus of Borg. Your lives as you have known them are over. From now on you will adapt to service us. Resistance is useless, Number One.
Riker: Mr. Worf ... fire.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

And they knew they were doing it too.

I wish Jackson would leave Shelob at the end of the second movie, but I understand why he's not. The wandering in Mordor isn't likely to be appealing enough to support a big chunk of "The Return of the King" in the cinema. But he would get a lot of Tolkien newbies rushing out to buy the books and to see his movie if he did it that way.

new reasons to squeeze them

This morning I went out to walk the dog and found someone had walked into my front yard, stepped in a newly spaded flower bed and cut the beautiful yellow blooms off some of my spring ephemerals. What the expletive is the point of that? They'll be wilted in a vase by this time tomorrow, but they'd still be blooming a week or two from now in my flower bed where everyone could have enjoyed them if they had been left alone. What a great way to start off the day.

Fat stupid hobbitses ... not nice to Sméagol.

no blood for oil

Let's be fair: The "it's all about oil" argument is rather oversimplistic, don't you think? I know I do.

I'm sure the oil argument has occurred to members of the Bush administration, and even if it hadn't, the number of protesters and war opponents who have brought the issue forward certainly would have suggested it.

That said, I'm inclined to believe the president believes the reasons he gave for ousting Saddam Hussein: the noncompliance issue with U.N. inspections and the prospect of chemical or biological weapons, and the ties between Saddam Hussein's regime and international terrorism. I'm sure other factors played into it, including the opportunity to improve America's oil supply and the opportunity to avenge his father's failure 12 years ago, but I think it's disingenuous to ascribe only or even primarily economic reasons to Bush's actions.

judas' true motivation revealed

You know why Judas betrayed Jesus? It's simple. He was mortified by Jesus' liberal social views, and was concerned if he did prove to be a political messiah he wouldn't approve massive tax cuts for the rich. Since Judas had squirreled away a nice bit of cash from the treasury -- and remember he only gave lip service to caring for the poor -- he decided it was necessary to nip this new social order in the bud.

on my own for the moment

At the moment, Evangeline is upstairs, sound asleep, and Natasha and Rachel are out at a book club Natasha belongs to. That leaves me pretty much on my own, so after wasting time I should have been putting to better uses, I'm here writing this.

Probably the biggest news we have right now is that Natasha is turning 28 this Friday. The girls and I went out this afternoon after I got home from work, and bought her some books in Frank Herbert's "Dune" series. I've never actually read the books, but they're generally regarded as a classic work of science-fiction. They're set on the desert world Arrakis and apparently delve into religious and political philosophies. (Two of the sequels are Dune Messiah and God Emperor of Dune, which says something, I suppose.) Natasha's been reading my copy of the first book and enjoying it immensely, so I'm hoping she enjoys the sequels.

I haven't had much time to do recreational reading, unfortunately. The most I've been able to do this year is to re-read "The Hobbit" and to start re-reading "The Fellowship of the Ring." Whoever said all that you need in life is God and books must have had more time than me.

Work is going well, although I remain frustrated with my experiences there and continue to hope (and look) for opportunities elsewhere. I recently spoke with Dick Willever, the Big Cheese editor down at The Princeton Packet, and they have filled a position there that I had applied for. Just as well, probably, since the only reason I had applied for it was to get out of my current situation. I need not to settle, and instead concentrate on finding something that will challenge and interest me instead of just changing the environment I get bored and frustrated in.

saddam double killed

SADDAM BODY DOUBLE'S DECOY BELIEVED KILLED IN ALLIED BOMBING
By Jocko Grinn

BAGHDAD, Iraq. (Grinn News Service) — A decoy for one of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein's body doubles was believed killed in an allied bombing late Tuesday night.

Allied forces, acting on intelligence that Saddam has been the unwitting puppet of one Mohammed Chang -- reportedly the body double of one of Saddam's more cunning body doubles -- dropped powerful ordnance on a residential structure in Bagdhad where Chang was said to be playing Gnip Gnop with body doubles of Saddam's sons Uday and Qusai.

The bombs — four HSOABs, or Half-Sisters Of All Bombs, twice removed on Aunt Edith's side — struck the upscale al-Mansour section of western Baghdad. The bombs used up all the hot water and tied up the phones all afternoon up to 300 yards away, wrinkled pages of the regime's diamond-studded Entertainment Today magazines, and started moving their things into people's rooms while they were away at school, leaving a heap of dirty, stinky laundry in the hall -- then short-circuited, exploding and destroying the entire block.

"We'd like to confirm an incident of success on a designated target," said Marine Maj. Brad Bartelt, a spokesman for U.S. Central Command in Qatar. "At the moment, though, all we can confirm is a really big smoking crater."

Iraqi dissidents familiar with Saddam say the Iraqi dictator began using the body doubles as a way to foil assassination attempts and to make it difficult for his wives to determine whether or not he was actually attending dinner parties with them. Hussein's body doubles then began using their own decoys, in order to take smoking and TV breaks on regime time without having their retirement funds docked.

At some point, Chang — who has the most common first and last names in the world — began using the Iraqi dictator's name to order late-night pizza and call world-renowned psychic Miss Cleo on her exclusive 900 number.

Unverified rumors speculate that Saddam Hussein himself was posing as Chang, who was posing as Saddam, and that the smoking crater marks the Iraqi dictator's unanticipated gravesite.

Also believed to have been killed in an airstrike on Basra is Saddam's top commander in southern Iraq, his first cousin Ali Hassan al-Majid. Al-Majid, also known as "Chemical Ali" for his trademark phrase "Move like a butterfly, sting like a cloud of nerve gas" made a name for himself in the 1970s and 1980s as a professional boxer in the Iraqi circuit.

"We believe that the reign of terror of Chemical Ali has come to an end," Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has said. "To Iraqis who were hoping for a rematch, we promise to soon send you Mike Tyson, the next time he's out on parole for a few weeks."

Meanwhile, as coalition troops reportedly uncovered caches of chemical and biological weapons that for ten years the Iraqi regime has denied having — prompting reassurances that "We've been right behind you all along," from France, Russia, China and other nations that have criticized the coalition action against Iraq — Iraqi Minister of Information Muhammad Sa'id al-Sahhaf assured Iraqi nationals that the war was going "well."

"There are no American troops inside Baghdad," al-Sahhaf said as a procession of U.S. Marines paused afternoon fighting behind him for coffee and bagels at a nearby Panera-al-Bubwa's. "Even now the infidels are committing suicide outside the gates of Baghdad, knowing that they will never see the hallowed halls of this blessed city."

judas' motivation redux

I was listening to my "Jesus Christ Superstar" soundtrack on the way home from work tonight (this morning?) and was hit by something I hadn't really fully noticed before. Judas' motivation in the musical is stated completely in the opening song: He was scared of what was going to happen, and wanted everyone to survive.

I've usually interpreted Superstar's Judas as acting from a sense of national preservation; i.e., he was trying to keep Israel from being destroyed by the Romans. But it was simpler than that, actually: He wanted to keep Jesus from being destroyed by the Romans too. When he approaches the Sanhedrin at the end of the first act, he's pleading for help; i.e., show me what I can do to save his life. When he betrays Jesus to the Sanhedrin, he's expecting the Sanhedrin is simply going to lock him up -- and he's utterly floored, flabbergasted and appalled when he sees what they do to him: "You beat him so bad I had to turn my head / You hit him so hard that he was bent and lame / and I know who everybody's going to blame."

He's shocked at the barbarity of what happened, but he's also horrified that everyone's going to think this is what he wanted to have happen.

Perhaps I should be embarrassed it took me so long to make such an obvious reading of the book, but it still struck me about how personal it makes it. It has Judas acting out of love and "for Jesus' own good."

Makes you wonder about the things we do for one another, doesn't it?

the apostle: a monologue

This is a monologue I wrote two years ago for the Good Friday service at my church. It may not be reprinted, reposted, forwarded or performed without my express permission.

"The Apostle"

Don’t look at me like that.

The first time I met the Lord, he couldn’t have been more than 10 years old. I really don’t remember too much about it. I remember my family and I were in Jerusalem for the Passover feast, and we happened to bump into this family from Nazareth with a boy about the same age as me.

He was a little different even then, you could tell. He had a certain
mischievous look in his eyes — the kind that doesn’t do anything that’s actually wrong and that you can’t punish him for but it still makes you nervous anyway. We hit it right off, if for no other reason than we were the same age and both awed by the sites of the Holy City.

We saw each other a few more times as the years went by, and even though we got older, we still looked for each other around the Passover when we were in the city. By the time we were adults, Jesus had adopted a kind of intense air. Not brooding so much, but when you looked into his eyes, it was like looking at the sea and knowing there were such deep mysteries hidden within.

His eyes ... Don’t look me like that.

We were thirty when it all came together. I met him after he had been out in the desert with John the Baptist. I didn’t realize at the time that they were cousins, but I found it out later. It wasn’t long after that that he asked me to be one of his disciples. You can imagine how I felt. It was like — well, it was like I’d just been named one of the Twelve Apostles.

And let me tell you, it was a ride I will never forget as long as I live. When he spoke, everyone listened. Crowds. Demons. The waves. Even the priests and teachers of the law.

Then there were miracles. Everywhere we went, people came to him with
diseases, with afflicted children, and he healed them. Did you know that one time when were in Bethany he actually raised an old friend of his from the dead? There was no doubting who he was. He was the messiah, the very son of God himself, and I was left speechless that he actually would associate with me.

Please don’t look at me that way. It’s bad enough already.

You see, I was there with him from the very beginning. The others all knew him and loved him, but I could tell they couldn’t see what I saw happening. Things were getting out of control. When we started out, there was no doubt that Jesus was in control of things. People came to him for a miracle, and he gave them that miracle, and then they told others, and more people came, and Jesus gave them their miracles too, and they kept coming and taking, and Jesus kept right on giving, no matter how exhausted he was.

It all started to come clear to me a little over a week ago. Jesus had been hinting that there was trouble ahead. He was still talking about the kingdom of God, but something had changed. He started talking about being executed, and Peter — God bless him — Peter got upset with him. Jesus rebuked him, and I think that’s when I realized where we were headed.

It was absolutely clear to me just after we entered Jerusalem, and I knew it was clear to Jesus too. He kept looking at me with those eyes of his — eyes that were warm, but somehow sad — and I knew what he was thinking. It had gone too far. In all their hosannas and shouts of "Son of David, save us!" the crowd had changed. He had stopped leading them, and they hard started to drive him.

We had come too far, too fast, and things were spiraling out of control. I remember the last time that nearly happened, when hundreds of people left him at a time because of something he had said. His eyes had been filled with pain and confusion, and I knew we were headed toward that again, only worse.

Do you know what it’s like to love someone and see them get eaten away, piece by piece? It’s horrible. You see them in pain, you hear them crying out for release, and in the end, there’s nothing left of their glory or majesty. They’re empty shells, and that’s all that people remember of them.

I had to do what I did. I love him too much to let people remember him as anything but what he was this past week. A king, triumphantly riding his way into town. A prophet, angrily facing down the hypocrite shepherds who fatten themselves on their flock. A priest — the only real priest I’ve ever known — who cares for people and brings them closer to God.

Stop looking at me that way. I don’t want your pity, and I don’t need your horror. I did it because I love him. He knew it at the seder last night, and when I came to him early this morning, I saw it in his eyes that he was ready … his eyes ...

(choked laugh)

Oh God ... I've betrayed divinity....

[music]
[hanging]

Copyright © 2001 David Learn

easter baskets

An odd question here: What sort of treatment do you give to extrabiblical holidays and extrabiblical customs? Natasha and I are trying to decide how we want to handle Easter this year and whether we want to go the route of an Easter basket for Evangeline.

I'm inclined to, on the grounds it's not an offensive addition to the holiday; Natasha is discinlined, on the grounds that it's an occasion for overindulgence on chocolate and other junk, and feeds into the American consumer mentality. We have similar concerns about Christmas, obviously.

My best thought of course is to reinterpret the custom in some way, not to give it a Christian gloss, but to give it a new spin that somehow is Christ-centered. What the missionaries did with Easter made sense at the time -- turning a pagan holiday about renewal into a Christian celebration of new life and forgiveness -- but I'm kind of stumped about what to do with an Easter basket and chocolate. The best I can see is something with the basket being hidden and then found somehow paralleling the risen Christ emerging from the tomb, but that's kind of a stretch.

What does everyone do?

judas' motivation

Why did Judas betray Christ?

• Evil needs no motive
• He hoped to force Jesus to lead a revolt against Rome
• He hoped to spare Judea a futile revolt against Rome
• He didn't realize the Sanhedrin's intent to have Jesus executed
• There was no choice involved; it was the role God had chosen for him
• Because he loved Jesus and wanted him to be remembered at his height
• He needed the money
• The Pharisees or others had been threatening him and the others
• He had decided that Jesus was a false messiah
• He chose to betray Christ in order to see the prophecies fulfilled

Vote

It's actually a serious question. Judas has fascinated me for years, mostly because we know so little about him. Dante puts him in the lowest level of hell, calling him the worst of all sinners, and Christians often depict him as someone who doesn't really fit in with the other Twelve Apostles, someone who doesn't quite belong with Jesus, who is on the outskirts of the group rather than an insider.

That doesn't sit well with me. For one thing, he was eating at the same table as Christ during the final Passover seder, which isn't exactly a seat of dishonor. For a second, one of the messianic psalms bemoans the betrayal, saying, "If it had been an enemy who had done this, or even a stranger, I could have dealt with it. But it was you, a friend of mine." For a third, he was someone who had seen the miracles right from the beginning: the resurrection of Lazarus, the healings, the demons being cast out, the feeding of the five thousand -- heck, he even performed healings and other miracles when Jesus sent the disciples out.

And yet he betrayed Christ anyway. That makes him a compelling figure to me because it means he probably was doing what he thought was the Right Thing, or at least a Good Thing. I see more applications there for me as a believer, when I've duped myself into believing that I was doing was good and right when it was obvious to everyone else that it wasn't. And after all, "Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me."

Of course Judas could be forgiven, and so could Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and even me, but whether any of the others are forgiven of their sins is none of my affair to decide. My own sins, black and horrid as they are, I accept on faith that they are no more in the eyes of God, even though their memory haunts me some times.

From the textual descriptions we have of Judas and the betrayal, it doesn't seem that he reached the point of understanding what Jesus offered. His suicide seems to me an act of supreme despair, where he thought himself too horrible and too hardened in his heart to turn and seek forgiveness.

It's an interesting question, and one we'll never know the answer to until a lot of other things are made clear too, but I don't think it's likely the answer is yes. John the Evangelist writes that Satan entered into Judas and led him to betray Christ, which would indicate his heart wasn't right with God.

Another intriguing character from the Passion, of course, is Pilate. I posted an interesting essay about Pilate at CHRefugee last year, and (not surprisingly) there are old traditions about his salvation as well. In the Ethiopian church, there is even a St. Pilate's Day and an accompanying feast.

And as long as we're talking about the supporting cast, I have a drama I started working on but never finished, about an old priest who is remembering a time when he was younger that he met the messiah, still a child at the time, in the Temple courts. The priest at the time walked away, his pride hurt, and when he returned the next day, realizing who the boy was, found he had gone. That part is based on a song by Mike Card, but the part that's completely mine is what comes next -- the priest is Caiaphas and he's about to go out and make sure the Sanhedrin sentences Christ to death.

It's one of my projects. I really want to finish that.

i'm a liberal

Consider the following points:

• I've been a registered Democrat since I turned 18.
• Although I voted against Gore in 2000, and against Clinton in 1996, I can honestly say I've never thought the Republicans put up a viable candidate either time. Unfortunately, no one else did either.
• I've been a professional journalist for seven years, and frequently have been criticized by the local Republicans for favoring Democrats.
• I have problems with tax cuts that target the rich.
• I oppose the war in Iraq.
• I listen to NPR.
• I see no problem with gay and unmarried heterosexual couples getting the same benefits from employers that married heterosexual couples get from their employers.
• I think newspapers generally do a good job at being fair.
• I think hate crime legislation should include gays and lesbians; actually, I think it should be expanded to include any crime where hate based on "otherness" was a motivating factor.
• I view deficit spending as irresponsible.
• When I taught science at a Christian school, I made sure my students understood evolutionary theory.
• I believe that the poor and disenfranchised have a special place in the economy of God and that it is incumbent on those of us with wealth to take care of those in need.
• I view unregulated capitalism as a bad thing that leads to the aggregation of wealth and power in the hands of a select few while leaving the masses exploited, poor and powerless.
• I'm all for racial integration and interracial marriage.
• I would say that many social ills exist because the church has failed to live up to its calling.
• I oppose drilling for oil in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge and would like to see more done to develop alternative fuel sources.
• Bush has really embarassed me as an American with his environmental record, rejecting the Kyoto Protocol; with his unilateral approach to foreign policy; and his strong pro-industry stand on just about everything.
• I not only eat organic food, I grow my own organic vegetables.
• I would have bought a hybrid car last week if we could have afforded it.
• Lastly, as a liberal, I accept wholeheartedly the creed "It's all my fault."

academy awards highlight

ACTOR KILLED DURING ACADEMY AWARDS CEREMONY
Show's host injured by CGI-driven character gone bad
By Jocko Grinn

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (Grinn News Service) -- Disaster struck the Academy Awards last night when Chris Cooper, winner of the Best Supporting Actor award, was strangled as he accepted the award.

"Sweet Mother of Pearl!" host Steve Martin cried as a small manlike creature leapt up and tore the statuette from his hands, biting off one of Martin's fingers in the process.

"It's ours, ours!" the creature cried before scurrying across the stage and out the door. "Our Precious-ss!"

Security footage shows the creature is manlike with overlarge feet, large blue eyes, and a single lock of hair that hangs from its head. Security guards tried to stop the intruder as it left the building but said they were unable to, due to its prodigious strength.

Guards added that the creature's eyes glow in the dark and that it made a retching noise as it talked that sounded like "column."

"We think it's a disgruntled writer for 'Variety' magazine," said Los Angeles Police detective Brick d'Fortunato.

Anthony Serkis, who made a name for himself as Gollum in last year's "The Two Towers" was not available for comment.

In the meantime, officials continue their manhunt for the creature, which they consider likely either to fall into a volcano or to be cast in Ernest Borgnine's role in a remake of the 1970s horror film "The Devil's Rain."

"Either way, it's a bad way to go," said D'Fortunato. "Personally, I'd take the volcano."

Martin was listed as being in stable condition, although nurses at the hospital report he keeps cradling his hand and moaning, "It's gone."

Gulf War II: Day 5

FRENCH, U.S. RELATIONS IN LE TOILETTE
Chirac tells Bush: Give us back the Statue of Liberty
By Jocquo Le Grinne

(Grinn News Service) -- Tensions between France and the United States continued to deepen Saturday as U.S. officials heightened their restrictions on French terminology and France asked for the immediate return of the Statue of Liberty.

The latest actions reflect a widening rift between the two nations, begun when Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, ordered the word "french" dropped from menu items served to members of the U.S. House of Representatives March 11, because France would not back a U.S.-led war against Iraq.

At the time, French officials downplayed the significance of the change, noting that french fries come from Belgium.

But by March 19, French officials had changed their tune, and it wasn't "Frere Jacques."

"It has come to our attention that many English words are derived from the French language owing to the Norman conquest of 1044," a letter from French President "Blaque Jacques" Chirac stated. "Such use is expressly not authorized, and request is made forthwith for you to remove all French influences from American English, or we will be forced to seek legal action against you."

The letter also stressed the deep love France has for America, and expressed a desire that the two peoples continue to walk forward in harmony once America realizes its idiocy, stops being so arrogant, and removes its head from its posterior.

Chirac's letter triggered an avalanche as the American Kennel Club renamed the French poodle breed to the Liberty poodle — making it an even more annoying breed than before — and American pet stores began refusing to sell frogs.

Under the direction of Homeland Security Adviser Tom Ridge, the FBI and CIA began investigating for suspicious activity some 10,000 Americans on Thursday who still play the French horn and prefer French bread to Italian and prefer French wine to German beer.

France retaliated by ordering its embassies to pretend not to know English when answering the phone or communicating with American officials. The reprisal ultimately was deemed ineffective as American dignitaries were unable to detect a change in policy.

Relations continued to deteriorate when House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, said if it hadn't been for the United States, France would be a part of Germany. France responded by ceding its sovereignty to Germany and asking the German military to resume the occupation it ended when driven out by Allied forces near the end of World War II.

By Friday, relations between the two nations were at their lowest since a first-season "Simpsons" episode in 1990 sent Bart Simpson to France and revealed the secret role antifreeze plays in French winemaking.

Chirac's request that the United States return the Statue of Liberty, given by the French in 1884, came late Saturday, after President Bush accused the French textile industry of supplying Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein with a steady supply of berets during the past 12 years, despite an official trade embargo with Iraq.

"If they want the Statue of Liberty, I say we should make them take back the entire Louisiana Territory and all the Democrats who live there," DeLay retorted during discussion on the House floor. "And we want a refund, with interest."

Chirac agreed to take title to states in the former Louisiana territory at France's first convenience, but insisted his nation would pay no money for the land until it was restored to its pre-American state.

"It was bought from the Emperor Napoleon under duress anyway," Chirac said.

In a strongly worded resolution, the United Nations warned France and the United States to start behaving nicely or risk another strongly worded resolution.

rapture

I've gone from believing in a pre-Trib Rapture to not believing in a Rapture at all. The entire doctrine is relatively recent -- it stems from "revelations" and visions a woman in Scotland had in the 19th century, and connects verses that have very little bearing on one another.

If this really were the "blessed hope of the Church," as Assembly of God doctrine holds, I think Jesus or one of the New Testament writers would have talked about it at more length. The closest we get is Paul's "We shall not all die" passage in 1 Thessalonians, but that seems to me like a Second Coming passage, not a "Last train out of here" passage.

Saying you don't buy into the escapism of the Rapture and consider it a phony-baloney doctrine is like professing to be a liberal in an evangelical church. It's enough to get you run out of many churches and to get people praying for your eternal soul.

You should have been there when I told my students several years ago that Jesus probably had zits when he was their age. And when I said he probably hit himself on the thumb with his hammer from time to time, even as an adult ... woo-HOO! Not knowing Aramaic, I have no idea what he would have said. I don't doubt the equivalent of a few four-letter words could have been in there. (One only wonders what they would have thought if I had said that Jesus probably was a social drinker.)

I've watched the fascination and cultic devotion the "Left Behind" books have sparked with a morbid fascination. I've read a few End Times novels before -- Dave Hunt's "The Archon Conspiracy" and Michael Yousseff's "Earth King" are two that spring to mind, although my all-time favorite has to be Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's "Good Omens" -- and I mostly see them as harmless, if badly written.

Note I said "mostly." The books do feed a tendency at least among American evangelicals to escapism and to a bit of self-righteousness. Readers who take the Rapture seriously get a kick of seeing all that they won't have to go through from the books, which isn't healthy.

Beyond that, I don't think the books' eschatology is sound, I think the writing is fairly atrocious, what I've read of it, and I think it also reflects a conservative Protestant American view of things rather than necessarily a biblical one. Notice the Antichrist is going to be Russian; if the books were influenced by a more contemporary theologian/scholar type, the Antichrist probably would be an Arab. Fifty years ago, the books probably would have made him Catholic.

Then there's the sects of Christianity are taken up. The pope is included, but mostly as a token Catholic, meant to widen the book's appeal. The pope in the books is a fairly Protestant pope. This is more just the writers' biases, I think, than actual eschatology resulting from Bible study. (Yeah, I know I'm treading on thin ice there, since Jenkins is a scholar of sorts, though probably not much more credible than Hal Lindsay when you get down to it.)

I also don't get the fascination with the Second Coming in Christian writing. The Bible says the Day of the Lord will not be a day of rejoicing, but one of terror; and while it's a day we're told to pray for, we're also told to keep our feet firmly planted in the now, sharing the gospel with those around us and ministering to those in need.

For some reason, though, the Second Coming ranks what I would consider disproportionately high on what we like to read about. There are far more books on prophecy and the End Times at the Evil Christian Bookstore than about feeding the hungry or missions.

Anyway, I've probably shot my mouth off enough now. I'd recommend looking at the book of Revelation in a different way if it helps you get past the poison. Mike Card once described the book as a series of hymns in praise of Jesus Christ; that is, it's a revelation not of the end but of Christ in all his glory. That's a good approach; another is to say "Never mind the prophecy, what lessons can I draw that apply to the here and now?" I've always found that one makes sense.

Then there's the preterist view of Revelation, but I don't really hold with that either; it's a fairly recent doctrine too, growing out of the notions of the Great Century 100 years ago, and doesn't really square with what I understand the views of the early church were. It holds that the events of Revelation all have been fulfilled.

Interesting tangent: Apokalipsis is a Greek word that means "unveiling." We usually think of Apocalyptic literature as being about tremendous calamity or disaster -- Apocalypse is synonymous with Doomsday in the common parlance -- but the whole idea behind the word is that it's making plain something otherwise considered mysterious.

Our problem is that we lack the cultural clues to properly understand the writing, so we often get rattled by stuff like the thirty-headed beast of Jehoboazarrihim and the seventh moon of Timbuk Two, but a lot of the clues to understand it all are found in the Tanakh and the imagery it uses.

the dictates of a 3-year-old

Just wait until your child gets to be 3 years old and you have to deal with all of THAT.

No, not the "tyrannical threes" -- the explosion of personality and the obsessive compulsive behavior that will drive you nuts in record time. Evangeline has acquired the moniker "Kissing Bandit" because every time she sees Rachel, she wants to give her sister a kiss. And kiss her she must, whether Rachel is nursing, sucking her thumb or sleeping. Everything must be done just so, according to the ritual Evangeline has developed, or reality will disintegrate.

I guarantee you, when your baby turns 3, you will find it impossible to love her any less than with all your heart, but there will be times you will wish you lived in a zoo.

u.s. conquers kuwait

U.S. OVERWHELMS KUWAITI DEFENSES
Official: 'We were holding the map wrong'
By Jocko and Smirkov Grinn

KUWAIT CITY (Grinn News Service) -- The U.S.-led invasion of Iraq got off to a bad start Thursday night when a coalition of British and American troops headed east instead of west.

U.S. tanks plowed through the ruins of Kuwait City after a heavy aerial bombardment had reduced the Kuwaiti capital to rubble, demolishing power plants and bridges, and severely disrupting the transportation infrastructure. The Kuwaiti populace offered little resistance, allowing American troops to sweep across their countryside with astonishing speed.

It was not until military personnel reached a border guard at Saudi Arabia that they realized their mistake.

A Saddam Hussein body double sporting a double chin confessed himself "shocked and awed" by the American military might.

"We were holding the map wrong," said U.S. Army Gen. Stephen Bloomers. "Once the Saudi guard showed us the way back to the highway and we had stopped to grab a sandwich at the local Kwik-E Mart, we turned back."

Other soldiers were quick to defend the error, which they said was one anyone could have made, even with the latest military technology.

"It's kind of hard to navigate off landmarks when all you have to work with is sand, sand, and more sand," said a corporal.

In Baghdad, the scene was one of utter chaos as thousands of Iraqi troops milled the streets in confusion looking for someone to surrender to. An enterprising Reuters reporter offered to accept surrenders at $10 a head until American TV crews could arrive to accept the surrenders properly, and reportedly was doing well enough that he was considering opening a franchise.

Iraqi missile strikes into Kuwait prompted U.S. troops stationed at Camp New Jersey, situated near the Iraq-Kuwait border, to put on gas masks and chemical protective gear before the all-clear sirens were sounded.

"I was grateful for the opportunity to make myself feel at home," said Lt. Ron Bittner, a Linden, N.J., native. "The oil refineries also lent an air of authenticity -- it was just like driving on the Turnpike. Except that the E-ZPass transponders don't open up the secured gates."

In a related issue, American citizens who had flown to Iraq and positioned themselves in front of designated targets in an attempt to prevent the United States from attacking hospitals and elementary schools with no strategic value, fled to the safety of a nearby Howard Johnsons and watched the attacks from the lobby.

"We never actually realized that we could be killed," said Shaun Pensecola, an aspiring actor from Los Angeles. "I mean, 'human body shield' sounds glamorous until you realize it means people will actually be shooting at you."

earrings

I was the first person in my family to get an ear pierced, and therefore had the unusual privilege of reassuring my mother -- in her mid-50s when she decided to get hers done -- that it wouldn't hurt, and letting her know ahead of time what sort of reactions she could have, from infection to allergic reaction. (I discovered that I'm allergic to yellow gold when my earlobe started turning odd colors.)

My mother got her ears pierced when my father bought her a pair of earrings that would have to be modified so she could wear them. As she had never had her ears pierced, all she wore were clip-ons. She has had no problems that I am aware of, except perhaps the occasional ear infection.

My earring hole closed up years ago, to the best of my knowledge. I can still see the divot where I had the piercing, but haven't had the urge to get it repierced or to see if the hole is still open.

No one has suggested we get Evangeline or Rachel's ears pierced. Natasha hasn't worn earrings for even longer than I have, and since she got her earring caught on somebody else's backpack once, she has even less of an inclination to wear them than I do.

We figure that if the girls want to get their ears pierced, they'll let us know. I also figure that if they're nervous, I can get my ear pierced again to reassure them it doesn't hurt. (A father-daughter bonding experience of increasing frequency, I'm sure.)

Of course, since Natasha wears neither earrings nor makeup, I really wonder how much inclination the girls will have to try either of those things as they get older. I suppose it depends on their friends.

saddam quits

SADDAM HUSSEIN STEPS DOWN
DEPOSED LEADER: 'New horizons beckon, and I must go'

Saddam Hussien, responding to an ultimatum issued by U.S. President George W. Bush to flee Iraq in two days or suffer the fury of American military, nonchalantly stepped down on Tuesday morning.

"I've had a great run, accomplished a lot, but now it's time to move on with my life," the Iraqi leader told the few remaining Western journalists in a speech delivered from his new RV. "Everyone dreams about being a powerful despot in one of the most volatile regions of the
world, but few get an opportunity to live the dream. I am one of those fortunate few."

Saddam credits his five wives, both living and dead, for giving him the courage and compassion to go on, even when he felt misunderstood or betrayed by U.N. inspectors.

"Still, I think I made a real difference for my country," he said. "Good night, and God bless the USA!"

Saddam already has made some plans for the future, which he plans to fulfill once he gets past border guards inspecting the bunk beds in his mobile home for weapons of mass destruction.

He recently appeared in an episode of The Anna Nicole Smith show, where she wanted to do a scientific study on sand, and network executives are considering him to be a potential mate on an upcoming season of The Bachelor, where 25 women vie for one man's hand in a casual dating relationship not likely to outlast the season, let alone actual engagement or marriage.

Saddam has expressed disappointment in not making the cut for "American Idol," after being told by one of the judges that he has a powerful stage presence but his singing was a bigger bomb than a Scud-2 missile. Simon Cowell, a BMG record executive, disappeared two weeks ago while walking to his car in the parking deck behind the building where "American Idol" is taped. Too many suspects exist, however, to trace the disappearance to the Iraq regime.

"Sometimes life throws you a few kinks," said Saddam, as the eyes of his hired goons misted up around him. "But there's power to positive thinking, and you just can't afford to give up. After all, I'm just a nobody who's managed to waste a lot of time of the most powerful nation in the world!

"It reminds me of the words of that immortal song by Mike Post:

"Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself;
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
Should've been somebody else!

"Take that, Simon, you dirty rotten scoundrel."

If his current television plans don't work out, Saddam plans to open an Italian ice store or, if that fails, take up professional landscaping. His son Uday reportedly feels cheated by his father's decision to head in a solo direction when he was hoping to market a new book of
inspirational material, "Chicken Soup for the Terrorist's Soul" and "Chicken Soup for the Petty Despot's Soul."

"Just kidding, Patty," a spokesman for Uday Hussein said. "Chicken Soup for the Soul is a copyright of Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises, and we would never dream of infringing upon it."