spiritual awakening

I was almost 18 at the time, the summer between high school graduation and the start of college. At the time, I would say I was pretty much an atheist. As has been said before, "He who has been forgiven much loves much."

My church -- my parents' church, actually, affiliated with the Presbyterian Church (USA) was running its annual trip to Alaska to teach vacation Bible school. I'm not really sure why I signed up for the trip since, like I said, I wasn't that convinced of God's existence/relevance. I suppose you could say that I wanted to believe, but I hadn't found any reason to. Something like that, anyway. I certainly wouldn't say I was actively seeking anything at the time.

Since it was a church trip, I figured I should do something to "fit in" with the other teens who were going, and so I picked up a copy of Stryper's album "To Hell with the Devil." It was loud, it was metal, and it was decent music to listen to. I later would discover that of the 18 teens on the trip, only two were what you would consider evangelical or born-again Christians. Most of the others just wanted the vacation to Alaska and a few were openly skeptical/hostile to the faith.

One of the pastors even corrected me after I committed myself to God for saying that you need Jesus to get into heaven. (Shocking to some, I suppose, but the PCUSA isn't widely known for its orthodoxy. One of the church's publications made the claim some time ago that worshipping a male savior is detrimental to a woman's spiritual growth. But I digress.)

Anyway, this was mid-July 1988. I don't know the exact date, because we were at a camp in eastern Pennsylvania for the training period, which ran a week before we actually made the trip up to Alaska. It was late at night in the cabin, I was going to sleep listening to the tape on my Walkman.

It's been so many years I don't remember the order of the album, but I do remember a few of the highlights. One was the song "Honestly," which functions on two levels -- as an expression of love between a couple, but also as an expression of the unconditional love God feels for individuals. The other was the song "Free," which is probably the closest they came to an altar call in their music. I don't remember the lyrics, but it essentially puts you with the choice: Follow Christ, or don't, but make the choice because you can.

And so there, on the floor of the cabin by my bunk, alone with God and my tears, I made the choice to follow. That was nearly 14 years ago, and I've stuck by that decision as I've followed Christ through college, to the missions field, through poverty and comfort, and through a few different churches and jobs.

I know a lot of people dissed Stryper because they didn't have the nice "proper" image the church expects Christians to have, but I say nonsense. They're accountable to God for how they present themselves, and I've gotta say that even though they looked pretty silly, I probably wouldn't have given them a chance if they looked "proper" like all the IBM Christians in a Jack Chick tract or the Big Hair people, or the other powerful- and proper-looking people on Christian TV. Christianity's a religion for losers and outcasts after all, not for the wealthy and in crowd. But I digress again.

I don't listen to Stryper any more, but that's not because I've had an epiphany that heavy metal and Christianity don't mix or that Christian rock is of the Devil, as some people believe. My tastes have just mellowed as I've aged, and I listen more to artists like Mike Card, Keith Green, John Michael Talbot and Steve Taylor. (Plus Jimmy Buffet.)

Similarly, my faith has changed as I've matured. I no longer bill myself as an evangelical, although my doctrine corresponds on all the essential points. As I've grown in understanding of Scripture, I've become more concerned with how the church reacts to the disenfranchised and how we seek power and influence. I prefer just to say that I'm a Christian, but if you absolutely must put a label on me, say that I subscribe to liberation theology.* (Or "Danger! Radioactive material." That would get more interesting responses at parties anyway.)

* As with any other movement, "liberation theology" involves a broad spectrum of attitudes and personalities. At its extreme, yes, there are louts who advocate violent overthrow of governments. My take on it is a bit more moderate than that -- I believe that the gospel has a special relevance to the poor and disenfranchised and that following Christ involves actively helping those people by being involved with them.